Pokémon Y = aX + b

As someone who hasn’t kept up with gaming news as of late, it was quite the surprise to me when my friend and fellow Quixotic Syndicate writer, James Frontier, messaged me saying:

I’m actually quite excited for the new Pokémon.

What new Pokémon? Was it PokéPark 3? Pokémon Snap U? A new spin-off that’s interesting for once? More Mystery Dungeon games? I decided to ask him and he replies:

Pokémon X and Y.

Pokémon X & Y?

Welp, he seems to think I’m an idiot – if you’re going to try to fool me, at least come up with a name that’s more believable. Literally almost anything would fit that category: Sweet & Sour, Xenon & Krypton, Fruit & Vegetable. Anything.

It was announced this morning – Nintendo had a Pokémon Nintendo Direct.

Sigh, I suppose it doesn’t hurt to check out the latest gaming news and…

What Nintendo must resort to when literally every other title has already been used in ROM hacks.

…WHATHEFUCK NINTENDO REALLY DID ANNOUNCE SUCH RIDICULOUSLY NAMED THINGS.

Here’s how I imagine this name came to be: GameFreak held a meeting to decide what the next title should be, got a white board and wrote Pokémon “X” and “Y” as placeholders to decide what the definitive name should be.

They were able to come up with five terrible titles before giving up.

So after five hours of shit suggestions, some brave man raises his hand and says, “why don’t we just keep it as Pokémon X & Y?” As everyone was dead tired by that point, and a bit delusional, the idea stuck and they all went home.

Though the board probably actually said “X”, “Y”, and “Z”, seeing as we usually get a third, updated version of the games from each generation a year later. I wouldn’t be surprised if they planned those titles ahead of time. Guess we know what the next game will be called.

In this version of the game, attacks like Solarbeam take 10 turns to charge.

Unless of course, they decide to go the Gen V route and make a set of two sequel games called Pokémon X2 and Y2. At that point, you might as well be doing your math homework.

Exclusive gameplay footage of the sequels.

Okay, but that’s enough rambling, we have to talk about the game itself! I mean, this is pretty exciting news, the 6th Generation is finally here and on 3DS. Hopefully the new Pokémon look good for onc-

WHAT THE HELL IS THIS THING!?

Oh boy, a Fire-type fox, NEVER SEEN THAT BEFORE.

I… huh, okay this guy’s actually pretty cool.

OKAY! Time to watch that Nintendo Direct! It starts out with Iwata giving a retrospective of the Pokémon series, which I’m sure would have been very nostalgic to watch, but when he said,

I’m sure some of you watching this Nintendo Direct have enjoyed trading Pokémon characters with friends using a Game Boy Link Cable.

I was reminded I was lonely child with no friends to trade with, so I decided to skip ahead in sorrow… and OH MY ARCEUS.

Is that the male or female protagonist? Both?

This actually does look awesome!

I always did think what Pokémon was missing was platforming!

A Pokémon world in Full 3D?

Pretty sure there’s a cock on that frog’s face.

Amazing 3D Pokémon battles?

Show that Gen V monstrosity who’s boss, Froaky.

Isn’t this what everyone has always wanted?

…wait hold on. Did I see that correctly? Let me replay it… Yeah, I’m pretty sure my eyes aren’t deceiving me.

YOU CAN ONLY WALK IN 4 DIRECTIONS?

3D Environment. System with a Circle Pad. Yet, we’re stuck with four directions still? From the looks of things, not even diagonal walking was considered, definitely not full 360 rotation. In the end, it’s nothing more than a graphical update with new creatures and a little more flavour, like it has always been with the series through every new generation. No updating the mechanics to make the game more modern and enjoyable.

I guess this explains a little better the title of the game – you can only move through the X-Axis or the Y-Axis separately at any given moment. It only makes sense…

…or perhaps they were named after their legendaries, which are shaped like an X and a Y… or were the legendaries designed to be shaped like the name? Will we ever know?

Chicken & Egg Situation.

I think that about wraps up everything I had to say about the announcement of Pokémon X & Y. Will it be just the same game we’ve played thousands of times again, will it be refreshingly new? Does it even matter when the games can be so much fun? We’ll only find out if it’s good or not on October, everything until then is speculation. Though it might not look like it, I am actually looking forward to this!

Feel free to leave your thoughts below.

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5 thoughts on “Pokémon Y = aX + b

  1. Heya TehVict, Avo here, and I think you covered just about everything there is to be covered at this point in time with the info we have now. But you have to take into consideration that after 5 generations of pokemon, there WILL be similarities between each generation. I think these starters look way more fresh than the Black & White starters. You have to give the developers credit for the new gameplay feel though, and the new art style with a hint of chibi.

    • That was there for comedic effect, I actually don’t mind Fennekin at all, and like it more than the Gen V fire starter too. As for the art style, that’s definitely one thing I really liked about X&Y for sure.

      Silly drupe. ❤

  2. I’m mostly liking these starters. I don’t dig Chespin that much though. I have fallen madly in love with Froakie and his penis nose, so that’s something. I definitely know what starter I’m getting.

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